Before I go

My Dear,

There’s no way to say this, but it’s impossible not to say it either. I’m sure you’ve sensed my distance recently, and I owe you an explanation. The trouble is there is no good explanation any reason I offer will fall short of what you deserve. Before I go any further I want to say that you have done nothing wrong. You are the same angel I started dating earlier this year.

What’s happened is something has changed within me. I can’t identify or fix it, but I know as a result of it I should break up with you. I hate that I just said that. I’ve been struggling with this, hoping things would click back into place. I fear if we keep moving forward I’ll become more and more emotionally detached and I don’t want you to have to deal with that. I can try to answer any questions you have. I hope you can forgive me.

As far as I know I have done nothing to justify such behavior, I’ve told you distinctly that I do not love you any longer. I shook your hand and asked you to accept friendship in place of love. Why do you reproach me? Surely not for a lack of frankness. I have been loyal: I have never deceived you; I have been yours completely. It’s your fault that you have not known how to hold on to what is yours.

Besides, My Dear, you must realize that I am not made for happiness. It is not my fault that I am constantly in search of new sensations, new emotions. That is how I shall be until my life is worn away. I am just as unsatisfied in the morning after, as I am the night before. My heart demands more excitement than anyone can give it. My frail body is exhausted by the act of love. Never is it the love I dream of.

At this moment I am in a complete prostration. My life seems to have stopped. I feel neither joy nor sorrow. I wish you could forget me. What can I do? You must not be angry with me. I’m an incomplete person but a good one at heart. If I could prevent your suffering I would do so!!! But you demand my love and it is you who have killed it!.. I really mean that.

                                                                                                                opieh